Video Game Haiku: Because really, why so serious?

Oliver "Threedog" Campbell and guest writer Danika Potts team up to give us some rather silly video game haiku.

 

 

 

 

 

 

haiku

haiku , an unrhymed Japanese poem recording the essence of a moment keenly perceived, in which nature is linked to human nature. It usually consists of 17 jion (Japanese symbol-sounds). The term is also used for foreign adaptations of the haiku, notably the poems of the imagists . These poems are usually written in three lines of five, seven, and five syllables.

So, why does everything in gaming have to be so serious? Haiku are fun, and video games are fun! Without further ado, we start with the teaser game in question.

 

 

Okami

Amaterasu
Timeless hero of the brush
Save the day, paint wolf!

 

Heavy Rain

Lock up your young sons
the Origami Killer
will ruin your life

Proving your worth is
the burden of this father
chasing red herring

Photographer chick
should have dipped out days ago
maybe new girlfriend?

Investigating
searching for signs he still lives
pray we're not too late

 

 

Final Fantasy XIII

Beautiful skin, hair
battle between sides rages
game sucks really hard

Pulse l'cie, fal'cie
someone is a mole, I think
all of them act evil

For Cocoon, or pulse
apocalypse approaches
Um, I don't get it

Lightning is so hot
also a bunch of nobodies
Vanille shows panties?

 

 

Resonance of Fate

A three-way murder
the bullet dance, gun kata
who needs a story

Splitting wigs by three
turn-based annihilation
watch the bodies fall

 

 

No More Heroes

Touchdown is the man
lightbulb katana, blood flood
take a dump to save

Assassin's work is
never done but psychos love
side jobs, bikes, and cats

 

 

God Hand

Use your roulette wheel
Spank those women extra hard
that boss has no junk

Hungry hombres or
midgets of ranging power
fist of the north starred

Elvis meets Bruce Lee
punch everything until death
lather, rinse, repeat

 

 

Animal Crossing

Cockroaches in my
mortgaged house, remember to
always check the mail

Fishing by moonlight
and watch the sky for balloons
look out for the bees!

Money grows on trees
apples, oranges also
still always so broke

All my new town friends
love to get gifts and letters
nagging me for them

 

 

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King

Tiny king of town
crystals make houses and shops
but early bed-times.

 

 

Cooking Mama

Don't worry, Mama will
make fire eyes for your failures
chop faster, you noob.

 

 

Dead Rising

Trust your life to Frank
for he's covered wars, you know
beware the raincoats

 

 

Infamous

Comic book cut scenes
eat lightning and shit thunder
good or bad, the same

Go, good luck mutant
enemies aim perfectly
and can see through walls

bald-headed bad ass
riding on the tops of trains
pretty cool coat though

 

 

Fallout 3

Apocalyptic
land is ravaged; in hindsight,
vault was pretty good

Mom dies, father leaves
no one can be trusted here
flee with my pip  boy

God bless my shotgun
the school is a horrorshow
oh shit, cannibals.

 

 

Portal

Apperture Science
That girl, locked up test subject
The cake was a lie

Never to part her
needs me like no other could
marry me, glados

 

 

Shenmue

Ryo seeks revenge
save kittens and find killers
drink a lot of pop

Lan-di, he must die
meanwhile, ramen shops
pachinko beckons

 

 

Resident Evil 5

A virus erupts
zombies are pretty bad eh?
for some, black is worse

Gorgeous heroine
tentacles are everywhere
no hentai, too bad.